It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
