i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
