I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
