You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
