Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
