So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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