if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
