Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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