I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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