So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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