I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
