Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
