I am puke
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
