I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
false alarm, still single
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
