I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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