So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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