His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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