Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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