dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
