ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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