goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Houston, we have a squirter
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
