Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
