Screwed.edu
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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