If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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