Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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