Me. At least after what I've been through.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i will never coherently bang her
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
