That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
