Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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