take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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