You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
