is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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