I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
