I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
