Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
