I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
