Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
