the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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