Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
