When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
