my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
