i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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