When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
