Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
