if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
