he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
