i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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