Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
