matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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