im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
