who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
