so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
