Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize